844. “He watches sports for fun. That’s. Not. Gay.” *shakes head in disapproval*
845. *shimmies* “Bring out the homos!!!” 846. “Are you in pain?” “Not physically, no” 847. “Is it PTSD? Are you mad at America?”
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838. “It feels like you’re talking to me at room temperature”
839. “I may be ugly but I’m uglier than you which means I’m beating you at something.” 840. “You’ve got chemistry, history, plus the real shit: trauma.” 841. “Roses are red; violets are blue; you’re a cunt; thank you.” (-Club Penguin, 2010 (RIP)) 842. “I’m breathing mentally” 843. “Hitler worked on a cornfield specifically for the Algebra” 821. “If a narwhal and a mermaid had a baby it would not go well”
822. “Why have I never seen the moon’s boner?” 823. “#Pangea2020” 824. “I don’t need your pity parsnips” 825. “You missed my Italian moment!” 826. “The homophobic people? Secretly gay.” 827. “My brother was like ‘I’m colorblind’ and I was like ‘calm yourself’ “ 828. “You guys like straight girls, I like straight girls, let’s judge them together!” - Bro 829. “Pigs deserve economic equality” 830. “Bananas shouldn’t be eating chimps” 831. “Concern is the way to confusion” “No, YOU’RE the way to confusion” 832. “Don’t move! Humans can’t see you if you don’t move!” 833. “It’s kind of you to kidnap me” 834. *Floating toward deathly waterfall* “They said just go with the flow” 835. “But is that briefcase REALLY more important than a balloon?” 836. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing everyday” 837. “Have a crack then hit the shack. Hello yes I would like to purchase a singular crack. Cash or credit? Actually I have a gift card.” 800. “I was not shrieking like a little girl. I was shrieking… like a MARINE.”
801. “If the homo sapiens were in fact homo, is that why they went extinct?” 802. “We are all God’s sims and this tortilla will be the end of life as we know it” 803. “Street lights are like glowsticks for moths” 804. “You don’t just not have a leg” 805. *Angrily throws off purple wizard hat* 806. “You’re just putting yourself in a box and throwing it” 807. “Why is he crossing the Rio Grande” “Cause he’s Fernando, he can do what he wants” 808. “Look at the nose! It’s twerking!” 809. “Be like the Spanish and use your sexy shoulders!” 810. “I smoke weed for the aesthetic.” 811. “A lizard and a squirrel had sex. It didn’t end well.” 812. “19th century European men were the original drag queens” 813. “Why did I just get naked in front of Mr Whiskers” 814. “I’m no marine biologist but I’m pretty sure sharks don’t have arms” 815. “I’m taking a shot because Hamilton said to” 816. “Buddhism fucking slaps” 817. “Every rug is a slut calzone” 818. “You don’t have to kill people or use sex to gain power, but remember ladies, you can” 819. “You can’t be doing occult stuff like this, it’s a weeknight” 820. “Your arms are a spatula and the air is buttercream” 776. “Jesus christ can’t help the polar bears”
777. “Miami and Gemara” 778. “I should sell the Germans my demon repellent and make a lot of money” 779. “Satan is gay.” 780. “Facial reconstruction surgery here we come” 781. “Your hair is purple because you’re the spawn of the bravest rainbows. At this point you’re probably humanity’s only hope.” 782. “Dude would struggle to pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel” 783. “Heavy metal knitting contest” 784. *seductively* “I would stop TRAFFIC for you, sweetie” 785. “I could be the goy boy drash writer” 786. “I’ll take Apricot’s price for paradise and shove it straight up her ass” 787. “I’m taking a horse snacks amount of tampons with me cause when you’re the cradle of life the party don’t stop” 788. “Well if they would kill to look like me they can just kill me and wear me as a skin suit and look as ugly as me. I honestly encourage it.” 789. “Pity the snowman and his lack of a beverage on this cold winter night.” “IT’S JULY IN HAWAII” 790. “Like what’s that gonna do, Raoul? You uncognitive little dildo, the phantom cannot be shot, for he has no fucking insides” 791. “Popular is overrated when netflix is right there” 792. “Peaches number two tried to give me jesus christ” 793. “Life is like swimming. When you get tired you go home and go to sleep.” 794. “This apple was abused” 795. “I was the queen of England today.” 796. “I’m getting trolled by the undead horse” 797. “Jesus has been exterminated from this pan” 798. “Gecho must kill zucchini” 799. “What in the vegans gone wild is going on here?!” 775. “Boy oh boy do I love chemistry. To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand chemistry. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the problems will go over a typical class’s head. There’s also Mr Fitch’s teaching style, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The classes understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these problems, to realize that they’re not just chemistry - they something deep about LIFE. As a consequence, people who dislike chemistry truly ARE inidots - of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humour in Mr Fitch’s existential catchphrase, “Hello my wonderful students” which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev’s Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Mr Fitch’s genius wit unfolds itself in the chemistry room. Oh what fools… how I pity them!” -Student Evaluation of Chemistry Class
761. “Can you get drunk off water?”
762. “Squirrels really are the crackheads of the animal kingdom” 763. “I am the medical” 764. “Our favorite onion boy is at it again” 765. “All she’s got is a sad life and arousing arms” 766. “I saw some blood and my classmates are dead but most important there’s a girl in my bed” 767. “I’m starting to think goblins are just art students” 768. “Oh I am absolutely here for frogs in tiny hats” 769. "Women are hot but ya know what’s hotter? The holy spirit.” 770. “I will steal your teeth” 771. “Non-binary planets!” 772. “Some of you peeps out there don’t drink milk or cream” 773. “Extremely group of talented athletes” 774. “My kids are not deficient, they are bilingual” 741. “Marty has turned into a cat”
742. “Why is noodle tools my brand? Why can’t people shout database when they see me?” 743. “If you fall off a mountain-top, that’s bad” 744. “Basically she’s doing THIS, but pregnant” 745. “The sprinkler, the son of a sprinkler, should sprinkle.” 746. “It sounds like a rooster dressed as a cow for Halloween” 747. “IKEA is an escape room that you don’t have to pay to get into” 748. “YOUR WATER IS CAVE WATER” 749. *whispers* “Sprinkle my sprinkler” 750. “It’s not about peeing, it’s about connection” 751. “They deserve doubt, they don’t deserve benefits” 752. “To sum up, Buzz Lightyear lied to you” 753. “Baby is a party animal” 754. “Chickens are basically fish. They’re like walking fish.” 755. “I started talking to the tongs a long time ago, Nathan” 756. “Adopted kids still have DNA!” 757. “Assholes don’t get cake.” 758. “Alaska is cold Texas” 759. “Disney does not fear god” 760. “This boy needs some eyes” 726. “The hills are alive with the sound of sleep deprivation!” -Bro
727. “I have a crush on… hold on I had it!” 728. “I have the choking” 729. “Staying up beyond reasonable hours is my religion” 730. “Are we gonna have an Aladdin moment? Cause I’m down” 731. “Do you know where the white house is? Tokyo.” 732. “Are you a duck giving birth?” 733. *Ben while cough-dab-dancing* “Do the cough!” 734. “Well this is NOT random clams” 735. “Bad puns are my sexuality” 736. “Broccoli is asexual” 737. “If you’re here, you’re queer” 738. “Let’s eat this wheat!” 739. “Yay, people aren’t dying anymore!” 740 .”This is kind of like a hassidic rave” 709. "Google translate is my new best friend"
710. “You can sleep when you’re dead.” 711. “Rosie, you ARE a secret evil plan” 712. “The angel of death is a black sheep” 713. "Tilapia is second class fish" 714. “Get out of here, you vested vermin!” 715. “I lost a fight with a cat” 716. "Whats his name again? Oh yea! God!" (- a rabbi) 717. "Have friends or die" 718. "Back to something less morbid: Death." 719. "I am SDM. I am not smart one, only sad." 720. “The first person you tango with is the person you will marry.” 721. “Doors are not usually the cause of death.” 722. “Don’t be sorry, be psychic.” 723. "Jumping into a pool is an antisocial maneuver" 724. “You can’t escape me. I am everywhere. I am God.” - Teacher 725. “Your grandmother is holding my sweatshirts ransom!!!” 695. "No, I'm not calling you a plate"
696. "We are NOT climbing up the side of the highway!!!" 697. *Sees chipmunk* "This is how I die" 698. "It's 4:20 somewhere" 699. "Do I look like a sperm? Because I think I'd be a cute sperm" 700. "I'm mourning the loss of my sanity! Go away!" 701. "STOP FINGERING THE AIR" 702. "My orthodontist can honestly go fuck himself" 703. "It's like a tango but with pain" 704. "The Catholic Synagogue in Spain" 705. "You should dance for money" "...How does that even relate to the marijuana industry?" 706. "When Daniel Karp says you should become a stripper" 707. "I'm the crunchy sister" 708. "Christians. They got that dead fish thing going on." 678. "STOP LICKING THE CURTAIN"
679. "When I was a spirit and I wasn't born yet I was still smarter than you" 680. "I don't like my mom in Winter" 681. "It's an adjective with anxiety" 682. "He either broke the door or his bone" 683. "I didn't choose flat Earth. Flat Earth chose me." 684. "That cat is on crack" 685. "I like when people bite through my sweater" 686. "Sorry if I'm strangling you" 687. "You could give my dad an elephant and he could probably fit it into a Honda" 688. "God does meth" 689. "Five-hour-tea!" 690. "I don't anymore know the English" 691. "What's wrong with Christmas?" "It's April in Utah"692. "He's humping the wall" 693. "How many kids do you HAVE, Annabelle?!" 694. "Live from Utah, it's Wednesday morning!" 667. "Say something about sex! Everyone loves sex!"
668. "Australia's depressed" 669. "The computer will judge us, thank you very much" 670. "I've been internally crying for about three years now" 671. "Channel your inner 40-year-old!" 672. "If you can't eat a frappuccino in cold weather you are weak" 673. "And I looked up to the heavens and said 'God... what the fuck dude'" 674. "I'm playing monopoly with safeway!" 675. "College is more funner when you have no plan" -Isaiah 676. "I'm not high, my eyes just hurt" 677. "Family's overrated. They just ask you to do things like go to weird charity events so their dad can be in sexy baker movies." 666. "There is a mommy tomato and a daddy tomato and a baby tomato and they were going for a walk. Baby tomato was falling behind. So daddy tomato goes back to baby tomato and steps on baby tomato and says... KETCHUP!"
609. “Breaststroke is the opposite of clapping” 610. “A lesbian restaurant with Yemeni food” 611. “We’re gonna have a Mac and cheese pow-wow” 612. “I am a pile of homework that isn’t done.” “I am Tech Week!” 613. “I’m the new lord now; I must act depressed.” 614. "Make America dead again" 615. "Bill Gates is worth ten Haitis" 616. “I was a prostitute yesterday” 617. "I love you more than bunnies are soft" 618. "I love you so much I'd step on a lego for you" 619. "I love you more than high tops" 620. "I love you as much as baby boomers think teens are obsessed with their phones" 621. “I love you more than I love musical theatre” “Oh dang” 622. "It's always tech week. And if it's not tech week, what are you doing with your life?" 623. “Is that weird? I guess I’m weird.” 624. "I'm about to lose all my faith in humanity" 625. "I need you to stop talking so I can compliment you" 626. "It's pretty much ancient ISIS, but with weed" 627. "I'm circumsizzled, my nizzle" 628. "Geez, you guys are like herding cats in a tornado!" 629. "Being hungry is just an excuse for not eating" 630. "Simona loves slipping on the ground! For everyone else, there's Turbotax" 631. "I saw the face of the saint in the toast" 632. "I've never felt more connected with my inner white girl" 633. "I AM TREE" *hisses* 634. "Being with Felix is like taking 10 shots of caffeine" 635. "Straws are utensils" 636. "Cats are just a liquid" 637. "Why don't you drink your lemon bread?" 638. "You're empty inside? I'm sorry to hear that" 639. "You are literally the Santa Claus of birds" 640. "His face looks like a kazoo" 641. "Smart One go ZOOM!" 642. "Undercover snake boy 2.0" 643. "GIRAFFES NEED FEMINISM TOO" 644. "Hump boy!" 645. "Kangaroo rat boy" 646. *sees tiger* "SMOL KITTY" 647. "I'm turtling with the turtles!" 648. "I am the flower princess of eternity" 649. "You took my love and shattered it with a green salad" 650. "I am officially an unfaithful wife! I'm so happy!" 651. "No one laughs when they get slapped unless they're a psycho" 652. "Is it okay if I punch you?" 653. "Excuse me, may I have permission to acquire your shoulders?" 654. "Manners before slapping, Leah!" 655. "My dad says no kissing today" 656. "Are you calling your mom a used mattress?" 657. "Who needs grammar when you've got theatre?" 658. "A Morman? What's that?" 659. "I'm so smart that I'm dumb" 660. "You measure your weight in cats?" 661. "Just casually making regrettable life choices" 662. "Mushrooms don't have brands" 663. "Where's his neck?" 664. "Try to make it go swish swish!" 665. “GOOGLE IS NOT A DOCTOR” 591. "CINNAMON PINEAPPLE!”
592. "Maha evaporated. She's gone." 593. "MY MOTHER IS NOT A CAR" 594. "Be honest, do I look like Gru?" 595. "I have negative ten sanity" 596. "Berkeley's a flavor? So it tastes like homeless people?" 597. "Tahiti haunts my nightmares" 598. "Cause ew, that's why!" 599. "Something old, something new, something borrowed and something flannel" 600. "I'm very particular about the temperature of my cheese" 601. "Minibars were invented by the CIA to punish poor people" 602. "Planes are the trashcans of the sky" 603. "Samoas are basically a cry for help. They're my favorite." 604. "I am my own dental floss" 605. "In conclusion, I feel nothing." 606. "Get away from me you blood skank" 607. "That's my pumpkin's wife!" 608. "It's raining quick get the recycling bin!" 575. "Boys can't look out windows. It's bad for their masculinity."
576. "I'm dealing in girl-scout cookies" 577. "I'm just cutting off her head so that's fine" 578. "I searched 'big fun crazy hair'. Let's see what happens." 579. "Can you imagine if I was HAPPY?!" 580. "No human contact. Only study." 581. "I thought I hated snow-land but teeth-land is even worse" 582. "Take that bread you fucking dick" 583. "Alright let's get these babies out of the morgue" 584. "She birthed an entire dance team" 585. "11pm really is the portal to a different universe" 586. "A curtain is just a wall with no self respect" 587. “He ducks and dives and ducks again!” 588. "I guess next time we have a sleepover it has to be a full moon and we’re gonna lay shirtless on someones lawn." 589. “Context is your friend” 590. “Not that I’m saying you’re like herpes or anything” 561. "Thank you Nathan groaning!"
562. "I'm on the FTW grind" 563. "My cooch is still wet and not in a good way" 564. "Those are my boobs please stop" "Give me the titty lizard" 565. "Look at you, practicing adulting!" 566. "Listening gives you asthma" 567. "I smack Max. Max bully." (Max's brother) 568. "Stop sexualizing my breakfast!" 569. "I don't drink the sauce!" 570. "Knowledge made you, bitch" 571. "Do you have strawberry-flavored cocaines?" 572. "Chapstick isn't a brand. It's a lifestyle." 573. "Today my sanity went bye bye" 574. "Swearing looks good on college applications" 554. "I'm dating a psychopath who's obsessed with tea"
555. "I know she's a baby, but she's being so infantile!" 556. "Stop petting me, I'm not your therapy dog!" 557."There's murder next-door!" "Yes, and?" 558. "Ten percent chance that Angry-Birds will become a reality" 559. "Please throw my baby down the stairs a bottle" 560. "Throw my mother-in-law out the window a towel!" 545. "The rain. You could trip on it and die."
546. "Who needs friends when you've got knives?... I ran out of knives." 547. *Russian accent* "Costco?! I want to go to Costco!" 548. "Well if you kill an animal just to hide a body, that's cruel" 549. "Autocorrect is not your robot-overlord" 550. "Meme authors" 551. "Big sad" 552. Siri: "What can I help you with?" Dr Lessy: "Do you babysit?" 553. "Swire's at the top of the food chain. He's a hottie with a body" |
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